ADD Attention to Excuse Recovery
Excuses, excuses. They are the bane of life with ADHD. How often are excuses used and how much creative energy goes into making them believable? How close to lieing do they come? Are they lies and deceptions? Is there an edge of excitement that goes along with an excuse? Is it believable? What is its value? Can you keep track of the excuse and how often is the same one used?
I first remember thinking about excuses when an aunt told me she thought my mom had made too many excuses for me and my sisters when we were young. The comment felt like a double insult – one to me and then one to my mother. I still have a physical reaction when I remember her comment. Then years passed and excuses were made and used to get me into and out of trouble – too many commitments, too many appointments missed, too many friends miffed at me. Something began to dawn on me – a routine use of excuses was unhealthy. It was not mindful living.
Change behavior and change your life.
Once I got it and it took a really long time to get it – then I began to see that excuses weren’t necessary. It’s a simple thing to say no in the first place; it’s important for me to gauge my time because no-one else will do it! I realized I made excuses for my children, just like my mom with the same unknown dimension: the ADHD factor. Learning about ADHD I have learned about excuses.
My clients learn that in our coaching the ‘homework’ is done or not done. The excuses have no meaning unless we backtrack to the core event, emotion, feeling or challenge that puts the excuse mobile into motion. I struggle with disruptive behavior of my own, inattentiveness and distractions all day every day. I’m a pretty classic case study of standard ADHD so I know what’s going on for my clients.
I believe that a twelve step approach to changing your excuse use will get it under control while simultaneously learning about your brand of ADHD will lead to more time living in success and less time living in fear of being ‘found out’.
What was your most creative excuse and what is your new understanding of the inherent value of excuse recovery?
Call Maureen Nolan, ADHD Coach for ADHD Coaching at 404-713-0488